let's talk screentime

As a parent, it seems there will always be subjects of controversy. Or maybe this is just a human issue? Either way, from the absolute get-go, when choosing to either breastfeed or bottle feed, it seems that mothers in particular get a tremendous amount of flack for the choices we make (or do not make). 

It's difficult to hold strong and fast to those choices, especially in light of the digital age, with opinions and ideas flying fast this way and that--some people being incredibly vocal and unforgiving when they respond to your choice.

Sometimes it seems it would be easier to quietly make the choices--wincingly--then curl up in a hole hoping no one notices or gives their (unsolicited) two cents.

I find this all very silly. I shouldn't be ashamed of the choices I make for my children. The choices that I believe are best for them. Are the choices I make for my family and my kids a commentary on another's way of parenting? Absolutely not. What works for some may not work for all.

All that being said, let's talk screentime.

First of all, we do not own a television...by choice (gasp)! We sold ours Spring of 2017 just before Amelia was born and have never looked back. We have just my laptop and we love it.

Our rules with "TV" time are as follows:

Friday night is movie night! Occasionally we will do a movie or show Saturday as well. Otherwise no shows or movies during the week. 

One exception to this is education. I am teaching the girls French (and simultaneously trying to learn along with them) and we utilize programs such as Little Pim to practice once or twice a week. Another exception is Cosmic Kids Yoga which we try to use practice once a week, as well. The last exception to this rule is sick days. I try my best to focus on art and reading when we are stuck inside and not feeling so well, but after I have exhausted those options or if I am just not feeling hot, yes of course we will throw on a calm show.

If we are going to utilize shows on sick days or on the weekend, they must be calming. The whole premise behind screen time for us is almost a substitute for rest. So, for us this means no over-stimulation, fast movements, violence, sass, bad behavior or trivial content. There must always be purpose behind the shows or movies that we watch in our home. 

The reasons for these rules? Keeping the screen time a rare event and something to look forward to is more special and intentional as opposed to something to be lost in daily. It breeds creativity and rhythm without our activities and home.

The reason for no TV? We want people to be the focus of our home. We want community and conversation to be the focus of our living space. When people come in rather than a television being present it is a place to foster relationships without distraction or temptation. 

What about tablets or games on the screen? As of now, in our house, the age of 4 and 2 is absolutely too young to be able to control themselves with handheld technology, even with us monitoring. However, I am well aware and completely agree that technology is going to be a part of their future and that being said we will slowly and thoughtfully have to introduce to them in increments. 

Over and over I have been asked (and/or scolded) if I am worried that I am being too strict. In all seriousness I am more worried about preserving their creativity and childhood and love of outdoors rather than them being fussy, addicted, lazy and mindless.

Most importantly, with any path you choose with children and technology, is this: mindfulness. Teaching your children to be aware of how shows and movies and screen time makes them feel. How it makes them feel when time is up, or when you take the device (whatever it may be) away. For them to grasp how it is affecting them at a young age, I believe, is what will be the ultimate difference between future mindless consumers or masters of intentional living.

being and longing

the word 'belonging' holds together the two fundamental aspects of life: 

Being and Longing; the longing of our Being and the being of our Longing...

-john o'donohue

belonging...embracing... sternum-wide-open-wrapping ribs-hearts-touching-we are one, embrace.

we sit there longing to be. just ourselves. we sit there, being, hoping someone else is longing for us. it's the most treasured feeling. the  most sought after, the one people wait years for, cry tears for, pray their hearts out for. 

lavender lately

i mull over a multitude of emotions, while driving under a blanket of stars at 3:45 am toward a  memorial service in oregon. there's a lump in my throat and tears well up in my eyes as the sun rises, a foray of pink and golden orange fire filling the otherwise clear sky. new mercies.

hesitation, shame, guilt, confusion, grief, devastation jumble around my being.

today's treasures

a few simple things that brightened my day, and then some...

1. a nature bundle

{and the little girl who handed it to me, on our adventure walk}

12/52

alright. so this time i won't be too hard on myself should i not make it the full year. because, well, as we know--life happens and it's been a bit since i last did this...and really this is much more for my own memories than anything else. thus, without further ado...

i'm no gymnast

it's curious...even when i sit there listing the good things, i end up finding something contrary about it all. the words i select, the tone in my voice, there is always bits of bitterness welling up and overflowing, even into the sweetest of things.

seeing the world 'a glass half full' doesn't seem to come naturally for me. perhaps i am jaded? undoubtedly, there was once a time where i saw goodness, blessing, positivity everywhere...inside every nook, every soul, around every corner. i saw it without trying, without searching. effortlessly, i happened upon it--rather, it happened upon me.

fourty six days

giving this plant a good dusting as the light pours into our unfinished kitchen is all too fitting this morning.

my heart aches for rest, for revitalization. there are nooks and the smallest crannies that have yearned to be fed for some time. but they have lost to social media--both instagram and facebook alike.

instagram--the app that has been such an immense blessing in my life as i have searched for community, providing me solidarity, with kin mothers who are wrestling and needed someone--as i did--to place a proverbial hand on the shoulder and say me too. the app that has handed me beautiful in-real-life friendships that i would have otherwise not met.

it feels good

i am blessed, i am blessed, i am blessed, i remind myself as the warmth of the sun brushes against my skin, kissing the girls' cheeks as they play peek-a-boo. behind me sits a bag of grout, another of cement, and nine boxes of yet-to-be-laid tile. this may just be the first moment i have allowed myself to admit this, the light pouring into the room still, blessing.

why is it hard to count them? the good things? david could tell you so so quickly it's not my strong suit. i stir and i wallow and i sulk far too often. it feels good to let the bitterness brew. it feels good to let the anger simmer a bit.

do you ache?

i have this dream, although it didn't feel like a dream at the time...more a not so distant memory. because, in fact, it's incredibly vivid. there was a summer--about five years ago--that i spent at a camp on a lake singing. and i had always loved singing. call it a childhood fantasy, i remember longing to be a singer when i got older, amongst other things of course--ice skater, detective, astronaut, lawyer--but singer was always there, lingering.

when there's a stove in your living room

...and a garbage can to boot. when you were supposed to be moved in before christmas--december the seventeenth to be exact--and you want to pretend that you are alright, that everything is going to be fine. but nothing has a place. and, quite frankly, order and control are the things you cling to, with the tightest of fists.

hands + feet

it's the topic of almost every discussion, facebook thread, instagram post, news story this week...what happened in vegas. i wanted to keep my mouth shut for fear of man. i wanted to leave the opinions to facebook repostings and brief instagram captions...but i cannot.

i cannot continue to sit back and watch each passing 'pray for vegas' picture and pretend like it's ok.

i cannot continue to watch government officials all around the states tweet out 'thoughts and prayers' and pretend like it's ok.

three times over

it's been three years. september 21, 2014 my best friend, soulmate, the love of my life asked me to marry him.

and here we are married, with two daughters now happy as clams, simple as that! the end.

not exactly.

37/52

[a portrait of my children, once a week, every week in 2017]

36/52

my my my. i knew i would do this. it's been about 24 weeks since my last portrait of the girls. and at that point amelia was still in utero. this little project is special to me, though, so i am going to do my darnedest to finish out the year in its entirety.

more than a mother

please forgive the radio silence around these parts. my goal is to be more consistent about posting in this space, but i have yet to find balance between all the ways in which i am being pulled.

mothering, keeping a home, some semblance of a social life, not to mention marriage... it's quite a load.

the mother in me is exhausted. chasing a spirited two year old--who is discovering free will, her voice and emotions--while caring for a three month old who more often than not is suckling energy from my breast, it's no easy task. don't misunderstand my words...i never thought it would be. i was not naive as we ventured into this parenting of multiples.

the birth of amelia

her due date came and went as due dates often do. and, really, we weren't shocked as hadley surpassed hers as well, so we were expecting this little one to arrive late. the clock continued ticking, my pulse quickened and my anxiety increased as it began to seem more and more possible that these sisters could very well share a birthday.

the birth of hadley

flipping through the pages of a parenting magazine, i sat waiting for my non-stress test. i was one week and a day overdue, with very little patience and a whole lot of anxiety. the day after my due date, my o.b. had said she would be surprised if i went past the weekend. and yet there i was, sitting, past the weekend on a wednesday, still very much pregnant.

what's in my diaper bag?

silence + apathy

back when i was almost twenty weeks pregnant, there was a moment where i completely freaked out about the new little babe growing in my belly. okay...there were many moments. but i knew they wouldn't last. i knew my heart would grow twice its size, expand so much i couldn't even begin to fathom it...at least, that's what i was told.

i was told i wouldn't be able to remember life without two. i was told i would fall in love with her like i did with my first.

and then she was born.

sweat, milk and slowing down

i frantically run around the apartment, crying baby in one hand, a pile of laundry in the other.

"hadley, put your clogs by the front door! 1-2-3... hadley do you want to see friends today? you need to help mama clean up!" i try my best to stay calm and sweet. but really i'm not trying that hard.

the kitchen is a mess, the bathroom disgusting, we have overflowing laundry baskets which means i have absolutely no clean nursing bras and it has been two days since i last showered.