12/52

alright. so this time i won't be too hard on myself should i not make it the full year. because, well, as we know--life happens and it's been a bit since i last did this...and really this is much more for my own memories than anything else. thus, without further ado...

more than a mother

please forgive the radio silence around these parts. my goal is to be more consistent about posting in this space, but i have yet to find balance between all the ways in which i am being pulled.

mothering, keeping a home, some semblance of a social life, not to mention marriage... it's quite a load.

the mother in me is exhausted. chasing a spirited two year old--who is discovering free will, her voice and emotions--while caring for a three month old who more often than not is suckling energy from my breast, it's no easy task. don't misunderstand my words...i never thought it would be. i was not naive as we ventured into this parenting of multiples.

the birth of hadley

flipping through the pages of a parenting magazine, i sat waiting for my non-stress test. i was one week and a day overdue, with very little patience and a whole lot of anxiety. the day after my due date, my o.b. had said she would be surprised if i went past the weekend. and yet there i was, sitting, past the weekend on a wednesday, still very much pregnant.

what's in my diaper bag?

silence + apathy

back when i was almost twenty weeks pregnant, there was a moment where i completely freaked out about the new little babe growing in my belly. okay...there were many moments. but i knew they wouldn't last. i knew my heart would grow twice its size, expand so much i couldn't even begin to fathom it...at least, that's what i was told.

i was told i wouldn't be able to remember life without two. i was told i would fall in love with her like i did with my first.

and then she was born.

sweat, milk and slowing down

i frantically run around the apartment, crying baby in one hand, a pile of laundry in the other.

"hadley, put your clogs by the front door! 1-2-3... hadley do you want to see friends today? you need to help mama clean up!" i try my best to stay calm and sweet. but really i'm not trying that hard.

the kitchen is a mess, the bathroom disgusting, we have overflowing laundry baskets which means i have absolutely no clean nursing bras and it has been two days since i last showered.