motherhood, the loneliest season

it has been 952 days since the gray cloud has made its way into my life, my heart--952 days since i took a positive pregnancy test and slowly began the sink into isolation.

my mother told me it would happen. it happened to her, she said, and it's happened to others--many others.

one would think after a few years this would go away, the clouds would lift, evaporate. but that's not the case, not even close.

this week my feelings have been much like the weather: snowing one moment, sunny and in the seventies the next--very confused, very bipolar.

the story of hadley, part one: an ending

two years ago we announced the news of our unplanned pregnancy.

when it happened--it being, you know, it--we were freshly four months into dating, still getting to know each other, no where near engaged and still in our undergrad programs.

as hadley's second birthday draws near, i wanted to re-tell a bit of her story in three parts because

every. life. matters.