two years in

time is such a curious thing. that it can simultaneously fly by in but a blink and also mollasses-slow-drip along, it's a wonder. and it's been two years...

of marriage
of living for better
of being the for worse

two years of keeping many of the promises i made in front of those almost two-hundred people and two years of breaking many more.

seven crafts for winter

while i love to be creative and get my craft on it does not happen nearly as often as i wish. but the holidays are the perfect time to have an excuse and get right to it. this year has been especially fun because hadley has been able to "help" and actually be an active participator whereas last year i did the bare minimum (of essentially nothing let's be honest) since she was but eight months old. too young to remember, too young to participate.

but now that she is almost twenty months, her eagerness to join in is the best motivation to get me off my bum and also the best distraction from all of my looming job applications (hashtag procrastination)!

so without further ado, here are seven simple yet beautiful crafts you and your little one (or just you) can work on for the next few days and really the rest of the year because they're pretty and not tooooo christmassy so you can keep them up all winter long!

late night confessions and early morning photos

there's a candle that smells of evergreen burning, the first snow has blanketed the street in a soft white coat and i am laying here on the couch in the calm of night feeling baby girl kick and somersault away inside my belly. if i could bottle this scent, this sight, this feeling up for you i would.

there is something so fresh and clean and new about the first snow. it feels rather fitting that it would happen tonight as this new life inside of me is as active as she has been yet.

what isn't as pleasant, though, as the snow, the christmas smells and this new little life, is me. my demeanor lately.

i've been snappy, sassy, reactive and quite frankly just plain acting like a child to my husband. tonight i said some truly cutting things--which has become quite a common thing lately, i hate to admit--about love and romance and lacking the feelings i once had toward him.

it's a....

after weeks (20 to be exact!) of anticipation, prayers and making the lamest attempts at trust we had our gender ultrasound yesterday! it's wonderful and beautiful how the excitement never wanes regardless of whether it's your first or subsequent baby...while it's true i'm scared as hell (in reference to my LAST POST), i still get so lost in my mind dreaming of that newborn smell, those teeny fingers and toes, the smallest fragile body all scrunched up and cuddly and wearing baby anywhere and everywhere while they sleep peacefully.

anyway, as we were in the exam room we were just waiting--butterflies and all-- for the ultrasound technician to tell us. we were on the edge of our seats (well actually i was laying down on the exam table with my shirt up and warm gel all over my belly, but you get what i'm saying), dying to know. boy? girl?

the second time around

and just like that...we're having another baby!

we are absolutely thrilled, excited and thankful.

now that i've said that can i talk about the hard stuff?

at thirteen weeks i opened my eyes and found myself on the floor of trader joes with a crowd of people hovering over me. did i hit my head? i'm pregnant! am i having a miscarriage? frantically i reoriented myself to look for hadley. a few ladies from three lines over had come over to play with her, give her stickers and keep her distracted as to not be scared that mommy had just fallen over and passed out.

dusting off the cobwebs

it's been awhile since i've written. a very long while. it feels wrong. it feels foreign. but most of all it is the most fitting image of how our life is going right now.

we are so grateful for the love and support we have received on our old platform...for those of you who are new this isn't our first rodeo--err, blog.

i had--and still have--a lot hopes and dreams when i started writing over there on our own domain (which the idea of owning a domain in itself puts enormous unwanted, unnecessary pressure on me for performance). many of them--most of them--had yet to be realized. and that's ok.

i am the first to admit to being overly critical of myself and while we are on the subject, this is the main cause for lack of writing, lack of consistency.

i have this desire to write, to share, to get it all out there. and then there is this part of me that says, "it's not good enough, no one cares, no one wants to read that." in fact, i've written about this before on our old blog.