we are so grateful for the love and support we have received on our old platform...for those of you who are new this isn't our first rodeo--err, blog.
i had--and still have--a lot hopes and dreams when i started writing over there on our own domain (which the idea of owning a domain in itself puts enormous unwanted, unnecessary pressure on me for performance). many of them--most of them--had yet to be realized. and that's ok.
i am the first to admit to being overly critical of myself and while we are on the subject, this is the main cause for lack of writing, lack of consistency.
i have this desire to write, to share, to get it all out there. and then there is this part of me that says, "it's not good enough, no one cares, no one wants to read that." in fact, i've written about this before on our old blog.
i am an overfeeler, empathizer, perfectionist, procrastinator. this combination does not bode well for pressing the 'publish' button.
with over 30 drafts yet to be finished--posts which i have passionatly poured hours and tears and thoughts into--we have decided to switch gears and start over. start new and start here, at this here simple blogspot page.
we are sticking with our same name--the landrus diaries--because, that is who we are. that is what this is. a diary.
not a how-to-live, lifestyle blog or anything fancy like that. rather a space to talk about the real things: the feelings, the milestones in our lives and sharing more of our story with friends near and far.
that being said, welcome.
i long for community and home. one where we can put down roots--deep roots--become best friends with families and couples nearby, watch our children grow and thrive with friends, each other and in a place that's familiar, comforting and one they will always remember.
we have been absolutely blessed and i would never want to discredit all that the lord has done and how he has provided for us the past two years. but i feel it deep in my bones, this gnawing, this longing for a place to just be and to bloom.
i will admit, it's been extremely difficult for me to be content with this in-between life. how do i make the most of it for hadley? how do i make the most of it for myself? i have pondered these questions for months, often wasting the time i could have been living--i mean really, truly living.
after wrestling and struggling, having some really low moments and some--what i would call--breakthroughs, i still do not feel like i have figured it out: how to simply be all here, right where i am, right where god has me. there is a restlessness within me for i know we will be leaving soon.
but when is soon? apparently, it's not for me to know. which is frustrating. i am a planner. i am a control freak.
what i do know, though is if i continue to live for the next location, the next job, the next church, the next group of friends, i will most definitely miss out on these moments. the ones right in front of me. right now.
and oh how i would so regret missing out--really noticing, really being aware of hadley at this stage. how i would regret missing out on the joy that comes from friends we have here and now, surrounding us already. how i would regret missing just laying in bed after everyone else has gone to sleep, ruminating on the day and all of its blessings. all of the many things to be thankful for.
so, while i don't have it all figured out--and i doubt that i ever will--i'm learning. and i'm learning that learning itself is part of what life is all about. i'm learning to be thankful. for the little things.
the simplest of things. these things i will cherish, cling to, on my darkest of days.
for even in the midst of it all--amongst the muck and the frustration, the confusion and the waiting--there is joy.
1. my sleeping babe
2. bathtime after taking her diaper off in the crib and pooping everwhere
3. snuggles with dadda
4. christmas in every room
5. taking her shoes on and off
6. underwear necklaces and her first pigtails
7. our newest addition
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