25 weeks

here i am over halfway through this pregnancy...less than seventeen weeks left of this sweet girl and i sharing one body.

and ohhh how i am struggling with this here body of mine this time around. my swollen, bulging belly, pressing down on every organ as if they might burst. i find myself walking about holding my hand below the waist of my pants hoping i could truly support and ease the pressure even a little.

i thumb through wooden hangers in the closet just to rip another shirt off and leave it in a pile with the others, discouraged by how it hangs and clings in all the wrong places. it's unflattering--or--it shows the maternity band on my jeans and now that's just really attractive, isn't it?

1/52

david and i were talking the other night about remembering. remembering this season in our life to be exact. as much as i am restless in knowing this apartment, this city, this community is all temporary, i want to soak it all in--to bottle it up, the feeling of it all. because in the blink of an eye, it will all be gone. hadley will be older, baby girl #2 will be born and grown, david and myself wrinkled and grey. it's all so so precious and so fleeting.

which is one of the main motivations for me to keep this blog up--to remember, to record and capture moments before they have disappeared from time and memory. inevitably, though, that is the reality of life and we must let it run this course.

all that being said, each week of this year i will be taking a picture of my girls, all two of them and posting the images here. this year will be a sweet one to capture, as we transition from a family of three to four. i love the idea of seeing hadley and her little sister's friendship unfold week after week in portraits all gathered up here in one place. i know i will treasure and be thankful for those collected memories.

and i hope you enjoy as well.

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so we lay here

and for a moment, we were alone, as it was--though brief--once before. those sacred, quiet moments when little arms and legs are cozy and tucked, when the eyelids fall shut and sweet dreams commence, it's the two of us again, just him and i and time.

click, click, click

the light switch! he starts to giggle, hand clutched over his mouth, i say go see! he creeps down the short, sad excuse of a hall careful not to press feet against creaky floor boards (there are many) and listens.

the questions whirr in my head, seeking a solution to the many reasons our darling daughter could still be awake. this wasn't like her.

family photos for the soul

some days it's quite hard for me to come to terms and just accept the fact that we aren't well off, that i can't do what everyone else is doing and that it's going to take quite a bit of time and patience to get to the place (physically and figuratively) we want to be.

and other days it's like: well shoot, who cares. that's life and life is a journey.

we decided to forego traditional christmas cards this year. does anyone our age even do christmas cards? i just love the thought of wrapping up a bit of our family to send to friends and loved ones near and far, making our way into their mailboxes, giving them something to open rather than bills and advertisements. i digress...but i still wanted to capture our little family of three in this chapter of our lives: hadley's little pigtails, her itty bitty teeth (by the way, she has all of them now!), my belly housing a teeny sister before it really begins to bulge, david and i learning and growing in what it means to be sacrificial and selfless as parent and spouse.

#goals

david and i began the tradition (on our honeymoon and first new year together) to write a list of goals. more than just new years resolutions, it's a chance to really reflect on the past year of our marriage, our own personal growth, our family and more. to re-evaluate unrealistic expectations while also holding ourselves to a higher standard for the following year.

most of those goals are related to the relational, spiritual and financial aspects of our marriage, stuff that has to do with the both of us (and now our little babes). but i thought it would be good to jot down a list for strictly myself: woman, mother, on the brink of turning 25.

even in the hardest days when i am crying in the corner i feel like i have won the lottery as a stay at home mum. it's hard to describe to non-parents, but becoming a parent is truly the most fulfilling thing i have done in this lifetime. i remember nannying and being so relieved when the parents would get home, so thankful i didn't have to take care of kids 24/7. ha! i couldn't have been more wrong.