on loving yourself: tips for self-care

here i am sitting in a quiet apartment, cozied up under a blanket with my second cup of coffee steaming within arms reach, a typical nap time scene for me. it has slowly but surely become my sanctuary where i recharge, reflect and rest.

so much has happened since finding myself deep in the throes of motherhood. from struggling with postpartum depression and severe loneliness, to coping with an ever-changing body it's been a long and difficult two years.


us mothers, us wives, us women: we are deep deep wells. we give and give, pour ourselves out dry. we cook and clean and nurture and nurse. we kiss owies and pack lunches, we encourage our significant others on their way out the door. we pick up the socks that were left right next to the laundry, fold the shirts in the drawers, for the millionth time. we sing and rock our babies to sleep, we dry tears and calm the husband's nerves. we go to bed spent, tired, many times completely empty. and we wake to do it all again.

ivory chiffon dress by pink blush maternity

i used to think that self-care was selfish--that being a mother and wife meant everlasting selflessness, constant sacrifice, undiscriminatory giving. which is when the burnouts and breakdowns began.

wells can only keep giving if they themselves are full-- of water, of life.

we, women--we are the same. we must refill. we must recharge. in order to better care for and love the ones around us--children, spouses, dear friends alike--we must care for ourselves.

so what does this look like? in a world hectic and busy and full of scheduled drop-offs and pick-ups and never ending tidying up, what in the world does this look like?

for me, lately, it is simple. and for me, it has taken a whole two years of figuring this out. that this isn't selfish, but rather necessary.

i'd like to think of self-care being broken into three categories: spiritual, emotional and physical. of course you could break it up however you want but i think it's important to know that we are complicated, intricate humans made up of a vast array of parts--for me, these are my main three. categorize it how you like, but just hear this: this isn't selfish. this is important. if you don't have time, you can make time.

about a month ago i awoke to the realization that something needed to change. my eyes were puffy and cheeks were stained with tears of mascara from the night prior. i decided enough was enough. so i created a schedule for myself.

surprisingly i have been sticking to it: waking up between 5:30 and 6 each day with a warm cup of coffee and being productive during that time has been a life-saver. using hadley's naps with a purpose has been a life-changer. letting david know a few times a week that i need to shut the door while i take a bath that night (because us mamas can literally go nowhere alone) has been so life-giving.

after talking with some friends and also seeing what works for me, here is a list i've come up with on ideas to help get you going on your self-care journey.

s p i r i t u a l

• prayer: i just love what rob bell has to say about prayer...sometimes the most profound prayers we could pray is simply "here, you take it."
• meditation: create space, learn how to just be in this moment
• devotions: i have been loving jesus calling lately but there are so so many out there.
• yoga: both spiritual and physical, but man, i get chills and feel so free when i practice.

e m o t i o n a l

• journal: often times i find that the act of writing out what i am feeling, can help me learn more about myself or even realize that i am being ridiculous. seeing my thoughts and feelings on paper and being able to step back almost as a third party witness does wonders.
• counseling: i truly believe counseling is for everyone. we humans were created to be known and to be in relationship. sometimes--oftentimes--talking to a stranger to figure out the deepest crevices of our dark selves is the way to do that. 
• cry: is it silly that i included this? sometimes for whatever reason i need to cry and don't know why. if i stuff it down deeper into myself it becomes anger and rage. where is this coming from? i'm still on a journey to find out, but i have found that listening to my body and my spirit and giving in and crying has been so cleansing.
• say no: learning this has been hard and it has this bad stigma attached to it, it seems. but learning to say no is one of the most freeing things you can do for yourself.
• give yourself grace: i am glad that holding grudges is not something that i do often--with others that is. but when it comes to forgiving myself, being kind and gracious with myself, it's not as easy. this is something i am still working on and probably will be for a while.
• gratitude: practicing thankfulness is one of the quickest ways i can turn my mood around, quiet my anxiety and calm my heart. so much so in fact that i will be starting a gratitude journal soon where i take time each day to list the littlest of things i am thankful for. also, if you have not read this book, go--now--buy it, read it, scribble on all of the pages. trust me.

p h y s i c a l

• get dressed: whatever you do, get dressed. staying in my pajamas all day is an automatic set up for feeling lethargic, depressed and purposeless. and when you can, care about what you wear! dress well! being pregnant this has been such a big deal for me. i'm not comfortable in my body, so finding maternity clothes that make me feel beautiful and fresh and alive has been a game changer. 
• shower: i get it, there are days where this is a stretch. but starting off the day showering before hadley wakes is one of my greatest joys. 
• workout: i'm rolling my eyes and laughing that i included this because it's a subtle gesture to myself most of all. we all know that it's good for us, to get our blood pumping, and yet we come up with excuse after excuse. just do something little at first. take a brisk walk, do some jumping jacks, dance!
• get outside: vitamin d, fresh air, nature--these are all fuel for the soul. i've had really bad mornings where nothing seems to be going right. i've stopped what we're doing, scooped up hadley and gone for a quick stroll around the block or to the corner park and i'm telling you it has turned my days around. we were not meant to be indoors all the time.
• pamper yourself: facemasks, bath bombs, putting makeup on, getting a mani-pedi or even just taking a long bath is good! do not feel guilty for this. not one bit. 
• declutter & rearrange: i swear that if the environment i live in is a mess, my heart and my spirit is or will likely become a mess as well. it's probably partially because i'm nesting but i have rearranged rooms in our apartment over five times these past two months. and each time it's like a breath of fresh air. also, going through all of our stuff and only keeping what is beautiful and what brings us joy is one of the best things we have ever done. want better not more!
• put down the phone: unplug. you are not missing out. part of making that schedule i was talking about is only checking email and social media during specific parts of my day; as well as taking some days for sabbath where i don't log on at all. be present with the people in front of you. be present with yourself.

let me know if you do any of these or if there is anything else that truly helps you! happy lovin'!

|| make sure you are following me on instagram. there will be a little giveaway with pink blush going on this weekend that you do not want to miss out on! ||